Happy Monday!
Yesterday we celebrated my first “Father’s” Day with my future son, Oliver, who’s currently doing flips inside my S/O but set to enter the world in early August. It’s all still sort of surreal to me. That boy’s going to rely on his mother and me for everything. Some day, he’s going to become his own person, one that I’ve helped shape since before his first breath.
I want to make sure I’m the best role model that I can be, so I’ve been brainstorming some key lessons that I’d like to pass on to him. This list is eventually going to be massive, but for now it’s just 7.
Oliver, here are 7 of the many things I want to teach you that I hope you grow up to embody later in life:
1. You are responsible for your life and actions. If you find yourself in a less than ideal situation, always assume that you have the power to do something about it — because you do. Yeah, sometimes life will deal you a shit hand. You can blame bad luck, the dealer, God, or the guy next to you, but none of that is going to change the cards in front of you. Learn to play the game and know that not every hand is going to be pocket aces. Even two-seven offsuit can win a championship if played well.
2. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. It’s a strength to know when you need it. Some day you’re going to grow up and have big hopes, dreams, and goals. You might think you don’t need anyone’s help to make them happen, but you do. One person can’t do it all, but a team of people can change the world. Find your team.
3. The key to finding good help is to learn how to help yourself first. “I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself — people like to see that.” — Chris Rock
4. Be authentic. It took me more than 27 years to be my full authentic self to everyone around me, at all times of the day. I used to have many personalities depending on where I was and who I was surrounded by. I wanted everyone to accept me. But that was exhausting and I don’t have time for that anymore. Instead of doing what I did, do what I do now and just focus on being a good person. If you’re a good person and others don’t like you, then you know that you’re in the wrong place.
5. Don’t numb or hide your emotions. Guys, girls and everything in-between have a wide range of feelings and emotions. We’re humans first, which means we’re all a bunch of sensitive cry babies at times. Open up about how you feel and don’t bottle it inside. Find people you trust enough to confide in, and let them use you for the same.
6. It’s OK to have bad days. You’re going to have many and so will everyone around you. Don’t make others feel worse for having a bad day, and also make sure you find people who don’t hold your bad days against you. If you find yourself with someone who expects you to be perfect all the time, run as fast as you can in the other direction.
7. Accidents and mistakes happen. Own up to and learn from them. Even making the same mistakes more than once is OK. We all forget and need reminders. Just don’t be stupid about it.
Have a good (no, great) week.
Best,
Jason
Bookmarked! I have a trans-gender teenage son who will benefit from this advice. Hell, I will benefit from some of these things as well. This is a well-thought out post, and congrats on your future little man! Your program for helping people with anxiety is also wonderful - I was a member of the test group, and still use every bit of advice it gave me, and more good advice when I ask people to read your column. Everyone needs some kind of help, and this column will very good at reminding both of us to stay strong. Thank you again for all you’ve done for me and my family by putting in the effort so others can benefit. Thanks To Jason for all his hard work (and writing and engineering are not easy). I’ve been subscribed to Jason for about 4 years now, and I can’t wait to see more!
Thank you for these timeless lessons, which are useful in every phase of life, and that I aim to model for my daughters.
Congratulations to you and your family and Happy Father’s Day, Jason! Welcome to the adventure that is parenthood!